"what is it?"

While finding myself, at what particular place I am standing in this world--- What is my real aim in life?--- this question was formed. I once started by planning what to do then dream what will I become in the future. But then life would not happen accordingly to what we plan, there are problems that may hinder us and test if we are worthy with that dream. Dream is just a mere dream anyway if we don’t act for its own fulfillment to make it out to reality. Dream then turn out to become our goal that would give us courage to make out something in our life. The success is on our reach when the fulfillment would come as a reward given by the judge. The judge will always do its job to award you or to cut you out of your dreams. So must act wisely and reasonably in order to take it but most people would give up and take out some part of their dreams or get rid them all for after all it’s just a dream, made by our own imagination and unbelievably to be fulfilled by anyone.

Ghosts scared Ashbel Winter

                Got it now that once you fall, it’s hard to move up once again. I wonder what will happen next if there will be another downfall and that’s what I’m afraid of. I know that once I fail again, I’ll become a failure forever. It is the ghost that hunts me, that gave me pressure and weakens my spirit. I wonder how to overcome this, maybe I need a huge break, but everything seems impossible to me now. My courage is fading and confidence is gone. Lucky for those who consider failure as a test of their ability but for me it is the result of my ability. How to improve it is the problem I’m facing now but first I must overcome and fight those ghosts who want to drug me down further. I must fight and keep myself upright shouting that “I would never be a failure forever!!!!”

                I must gain inspirations for me to keep moving on and develop once again my confidence and strengthen my courage. I will have a great adventure and trials will come till I die but while I am living I will fight and take the honor of without giving up. Right, I must attain what is my goal in the near future and to the further and furthest future. And may GOD be with me always.

Facing Money Problems

                How much money can a person gain and waste throughout his life? Unbelievably it can’t be calculated or you should never start to count. The powers it gained which we let are unbearable. It causes stress, envy, hatred, hunger, sickness, and lastly death. Can’t you think that it already controls us gore to the bones and to the dusts of our bodies, grinding our souls keeping it unfixed and broken, powdered with sins which cannot be saved, and love would come but cannot be appreciated. Life is meaningless and full of struggles added by pressures and responsibilities. Earth is placed for us to live not to survive but why we people made our life harder?  Reasons…. I don’t know, just wanted to say something to deliver my complain.

Ashbel Winter’s Relationship

The closure of openness in my heart had been fulfilled that I must make a move in order to gain what is needed, to feed out from hunger, and to please for pleasure among ourselves. I gain what I want from hardship which is opposite from what they know, but my need is given to me by God who never neglect me and I appreciate and so. I always chose the hard way not due to circumstances but of what is needed by me to become someone.

The someone who can touch your heart and lead on a way that everyone would not expect. Yes, I am ambitious up to the extent of impossibilities. I am stubborn and hypocrite on my decisions and I don’t believe that I have such limited abilities. After failures that I have tasted and still can’t accept, I realize that everything that happened lately is due to my attitude. My decisions are made based on my attitude not on what I can do. Limitations are there or might be. I’m overconfident out of nothing, nothing yet to tell. I just thought that I already know myself but for real I can’t even determine which one is the one. I am a mere 19 year old kid who asks many questions regarding on the way of living. My life is just starting.

Always Rationale

Being with my friends I realize that there are a lot of things that I must not do always in order to appreciate more of their importance. Seeing my friends once again made my decision firm that I must not waste my sacrifice being afar from them that I must do my best on my studies. It doesn’t matter if I will over exert myself the important is that I want them to become proud of me.

They had become part of my adventures and now they became part of my decision. They changed me and help me developed my personality. To tell you, I’m once a snob but somehow, since I know them I learn to greet people around me. I learned to feel how to become happy, sad, excited and even to get angry. It’s so weird to tell that they put colors in my life and to tell you because of these changes I learn to care others and I’ve become closer to my family. They are my important and knowing that I’m not together with them makes me sad.

I am Ashbel Winter

I just want to tell you that in my current situation I feel miserable. That’s why maybe I made this blog account to share what I feel and to speak out myself. I don’t know if there is anyone who can relate me and have time to read what I wrote here but I thank you if there is someone and I’m sorry if my grammar is wrong, maybe if you have time please correct them but I will try my best to convey what I mean.

 Last semester, I got two failure subjects, which is very extraordinary on my case and I really don’t expect. I never experience failure on my academe and it’s my first time. Yeah, I know I’m not that great too but I also gain awards and honors in the past which I’m proud of. I feel down and it’s tormenting me every time I remember. It shuttered my dreams into pieces that even my tears can’t bring them back together. Till now I’m still on my process to move on and the second semester had started. I don’t have my friends with me now and I’m all alone. No one to speak to since all of them transferred to another school saying that they can’t afford to stay anymore... so I have decided that I’ll make this blog account as a sort kind of diary. Maybe, you will hear a lot of complains but maybe I also need some of your advice.

Thank you to whoever reads. I really appreciate.