Lonely

                Sufferings are always part of life and supposed to be, the hope must accompany it but hope can’t stop the anguish and hardship carried with those sufferings since the capability of a human to hold on would never be forever, it always lasts and giving-up is waiting at the corner. Seeking solutions are the main point to get away from sufferings but sometimes those solutions are neither unacceptable nor impossible to be done. We can accept suffering but we can’t embrace it continually, time will come when we will throw it away. Not because light or solution has come but the time to give- up is already there. To keep it will only bring us into the deepest hole.  To give-up might peace will come.  Complains are the major symptoms that the time to give-up is near but instead that it must be heard many would criticize.  Why need to be stubborn if no one understands you?  It’s really hard to live life feeling alone, realizing that you are only the second choice of everyone. No one loves you for who you are, you want to show them that you care and this is the way to love but every time you seek you only proved that there’s no one who has such kind of competency.  We know that life is not like fairy tale that it ends happily since real life must go on and the road that we need to walk forward are still very long.  We must look forward and that sufferings will be left behind, cannot stop us to keep walking and accomplish up to the finish line. Neither loosing once nor many times would ever destroy us as long as we live, life will keep on moving. At least enjoy and be cheerful enough.

Personalities that I must obtain

                I am someone who has a positive outlook in life such that I can do everything with perseverance, patience, and love. My strength is strong to face problems, trials, hardships, and failures. Living easy without lies or pretenses as not being ashamed of whom I really am. Silent and smile as symbol of my attention not only to listen but also to understand and to give opinion then suggestion. I know where I stand and very aware to keep firm of righteousness. I am faithful to be trusted as not being afraid of responsibility. I know that every great success is the fruit of clean hard work. I always plan and act for my goal’s fulfilment. I am always worried but I take them all simply by taking a break and think over the rightful solution. Gay and flexible to jam with others showing openness without judgments. I am frank and mean but I know my limit. I am witty refined woman and always in love as inspired. I am sensitive of others needs and feelings but in my decision making I am not be influenced by them. I am polite and a bit of shy but my dignity waving high out of humility. I adore GOD alone for His Holy Name as the Word incarnate with the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Unforgettable adventure

                Faith is for God alone but it is always entangled with temptations. The faith I have, I know is not pure, it is stained by sins affected by fragile physique. Once, I woke up full of distress, like an empty but has no space to be filled, has direction but still can’t find the way and always worried but unable to obtain solution. There I realized I am tied on my failures, can’t see the light since my eyes are closed but my ears can hear the whispers of the salvation to stretch out my hand to give trust. But my heart is afraid and the doubt is there from that invitation courage is a dare. I tried to reflect the answer in order to let go from that pain but their ghosts are hunting me even on my dreams. I left my distress, emptiness, aims, and worries. I moved into a special place to have peace for a while. Through this travel, I know it is temporary, but still I pursue to find what I’m looking--- and that is strength. I need strength to face what I left and I know I will obtain it from that destined place. My plan is to take Jesus with me from there to help me overcome and bring back myself.

                The tiresome experience I have during that Papal visit is unforgettable not because I got separated and lost in the middle of the crowd not only once but twice, or the complaints I heard from people surrounding me with their unpleasant behavior such as pushing, pressing and others are shouting unreasonably words nor the coldness I felt for almost 7 hours under the rain, everything of that has no importance compared to what I naturally gain and see with my own eyes. I see people ready to hear the word of God with full attention, well behave as the mass started with great voice shouting for praises matching with dances, strength to overcome limitations and faith to feel the sunshine from that storm.  Even I will close my eyes I know I will not get lost because everything is clear and the emotions are pure. The rain are like tears of sufferings I shed when I am on my limits of anguish and despair and I know I’m not alone, many could relate to what I feel during that time. Maybe a lot of us are hiding our tears from that rain because of hope in our prayers which will be answered, we don’t know. But just like tears that rain, the next day is a great sunshine implying me a new day to start a new life.

                Now I’m back here facing once again my struggles in life, even I didn’t see the Pope I don’t feel disappointed because in exchange I received a lot of blessings.  My emptiness are filled by my co-delegates, my aims have now colors because of newly inspiration, my worries will be my strength and the distress just fades away as if it never existed. A newly born cheery day will start again with a great enthusiasm to pursue on living.

Change out from sharing

What made our life become much more colorful is our emotions... affected from experience and developed by friends. We share one world but the difference are very visible. The  foundation of everything is within ourselves. I realize a lot of things and learning are the best if you would let yourself to accept but acceptance would always take when we know that we are all the same... we share a lot of things but why difference existed and acceptance difficult?
When I put myself in the middle of unfamiliar people and made myself open to share... I didn't notice that I already introduce myself to someone who is exactly the same as me but at the same time is different but then someone who made me think twice and make me accept the possibilities. I am stubborn but changes happened anytime.