Lonely

                Sufferings are always part of life and supposed to be, the hope must accompany it but hope can’t stop the anguish and hardship carried with those sufferings since the capability of a human to hold on would never be forever, it always lasts and giving-up is waiting at the corner. Seeking solutions are the main point to get away from sufferings but sometimes those solutions are neither unacceptable nor impossible to be done. We can accept suffering but we can’t embrace it continually, time will come when we will throw it away. Not because light or solution has come but the time to give- up is already there. To keep it will only bring us into the deepest hole.  To give-up might peace will come.  Complains are the major symptoms that the time to give-up is near but instead that it must be heard many would criticize.  Why need to be stubborn if no one understands you?  It’s really hard to live life feeling alone, realizing that you are only the second choice of everyone. No one loves you for who you are, you want to show them that you care and this is the way to love but every time you seek you only proved that there’s no one who has such kind of competency.  We know that life is not like fairy tale that it ends happily since real life must go on and the road that we need to walk forward are still very long.  We must look forward and that sufferings will be left behind, cannot stop us to keep walking and accomplish up to the finish line. Neither loosing once nor many times would ever destroy us as long as we live, life will keep on moving. At least enjoy and be cheerful enough.

Personalities that I must obtain

                I am someone who has a positive outlook in life such that I can do everything with perseverance, patience, and love. My strength is strong to face problems, trials, hardships, and failures. Living easy without lies or pretenses as not being ashamed of whom I really am. Silent and smile as symbol of my attention not only to listen but also to understand and to give opinion then suggestion. I know where I stand and very aware to keep firm of righteousness. I am faithful to be trusted as not being afraid of responsibility. I know that every great success is the fruit of clean hard work. I always plan and act for my goal’s fulfilment. I am always worried but I take them all simply by taking a break and think over the rightful solution. Gay and flexible to jam with others showing openness without judgments. I am frank and mean but I know my limit. I am witty refined woman and always in love as inspired. I am sensitive of others needs and feelings but in my decision making I am not be influenced by them. I am polite and a bit of shy but my dignity waving high out of humility. I adore GOD alone for His Holy Name as the Word incarnate with the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Unforgettable adventure

                Faith is for God alone but it is always entangled with temptations. The faith I have, I know is not pure, it is stained by sins affected by fragile physique. Once, I woke up full of distress, like an empty but has no space to be filled, has direction but still can’t find the way and always worried but unable to obtain solution. There I realized I am tied on my failures, can’t see the light since my eyes are closed but my ears can hear the whispers of the salvation to stretch out my hand to give trust. But my heart is afraid and the doubt is there from that invitation courage is a dare. I tried to reflect the answer in order to let go from that pain but their ghosts are hunting me even on my dreams. I left my distress, emptiness, aims, and worries. I moved into a special place to have peace for a while. Through this travel, I know it is temporary, but still I pursue to find what I’m looking--- and that is strength. I need strength to face what I left and I know I will obtain it from that destined place. My plan is to take Jesus with me from there to help me overcome and bring back myself.

                The tiresome experience I have during that Papal visit is unforgettable not because I got separated and lost in the middle of the crowd not only once but twice, or the complaints I heard from people surrounding me with their unpleasant behavior such as pushing, pressing and others are shouting unreasonably words nor the coldness I felt for almost 7 hours under the rain, everything of that has no importance compared to what I naturally gain and see with my own eyes. I see people ready to hear the word of God with full attention, well behave as the mass started with great voice shouting for praises matching with dances, strength to overcome limitations and faith to feel the sunshine from that storm.  Even I will close my eyes I know I will not get lost because everything is clear and the emotions are pure. The rain are like tears of sufferings I shed when I am on my limits of anguish and despair and I know I’m not alone, many could relate to what I feel during that time. Maybe a lot of us are hiding our tears from that rain because of hope in our prayers which will be answered, we don’t know. But just like tears that rain, the next day is a great sunshine implying me a new day to start a new life.

                Now I’m back here facing once again my struggles in life, even I didn’t see the Pope I don’t feel disappointed because in exchange I received a lot of blessings.  My emptiness are filled by my co-delegates, my aims have now colors because of newly inspiration, my worries will be my strength and the distress just fades away as if it never existed. A newly born cheery day will start again with a great enthusiasm to pursue on living.

Change out from sharing

What made our life become much more colorful is our emotions... affected from experience and developed by friends. We share one world but the difference are very visible. The  foundation of everything is within ourselves. I realize a lot of things and learning are the best if you would let yourself to accept but acceptance would always take when we know that we are all the same... we share a lot of things but why difference existed and acceptance difficult?
When I put myself in the middle of unfamiliar people and made myself open to share... I didn't notice that I already introduce myself to someone who is exactly the same as me but at the same time is different but then someone who made me think twice and make me accept the possibilities. I am stubborn but changes happened anytime.

"what is it?"

While finding myself, at what particular place I am standing in this world--- What is my real aim in life?--- this question was formed. I once started by planning what to do then dream what will I become in the future. But then life would not happen accordingly to what we plan, there are problems that may hinder us and test if we are worthy with that dream. Dream is just a mere dream anyway if we don’t act for its own fulfillment to make it out to reality. Dream then turn out to become our goal that would give us courage to make out something in our life. The success is on our reach when the fulfillment would come as a reward given by the judge. The judge will always do its job to award you or to cut you out of your dreams. So must act wisely and reasonably in order to take it but most people would give up and take out some part of their dreams or get rid them all for after all it’s just a dream, made by our own imagination and unbelievably to be fulfilled by anyone.

Ghosts scared Ashbel Winter

                Got it now that once you fall, it’s hard to move up once again. I wonder what will happen next if there will be another downfall and that’s what I’m afraid of. I know that once I fail again, I’ll become a failure forever. It is the ghost that hunts me, that gave me pressure and weakens my spirit. I wonder how to overcome this, maybe I need a huge break, but everything seems impossible to me now. My courage is fading and confidence is gone. Lucky for those who consider failure as a test of their ability but for me it is the result of my ability. How to improve it is the problem I’m facing now but first I must overcome and fight those ghosts who want to drug me down further. I must fight and keep myself upright shouting that “I would never be a failure forever!!!!”

                I must gain inspirations for me to keep moving on and develop once again my confidence and strengthen my courage. I will have a great adventure and trials will come till I die but while I am living I will fight and take the honor of without giving up. Right, I must attain what is my goal in the near future and to the further and furthest future. And may GOD be with me always.

Facing Money Problems

                How much money can a person gain and waste throughout his life? Unbelievably it can’t be calculated or you should never start to count. The powers it gained which we let are unbearable. It causes stress, envy, hatred, hunger, sickness, and lastly death. Can’t you think that it already controls us gore to the bones and to the dusts of our bodies, grinding our souls keeping it unfixed and broken, powdered with sins which cannot be saved, and love would come but cannot be appreciated. Life is meaningless and full of struggles added by pressures and responsibilities. Earth is placed for us to live not to survive but why we people made our life harder?  Reasons…. I don’t know, just wanted to say something to deliver my complain.